Broken But Not Shattered
by Night-Blaze
Summary: My view on what Meilin was thinking about on the day she came back only to find out about Syaoran's feelings toward Sakura.


**A/n**: Well... I finally got another fic out. I hope you guys like it. I think the timeline is a bit screwy buy otherwise I think it is quite good. However that is not for me to say, you just read it and review... PLEASE....

And I would also like to thank my counterpart, Night who edited this for me.

And so, Blaze presents to you...

**Broken but Not Shattered**

I had always feared and hoped for this day, the day of Syaoran's confession.

When he confessed that he had found the one he loved, I was happy for him. I had always hoped that he would find a girl worthy of him, and the girl whom he had chosen, Kinomoto Sakura, was more than worthy already. I wanted him to love someone, to feel true love and not just the normal care he gives all those around him, like the ones he gives me.

I hoped for this day and yet I feared. I feared because I was afraid that his confession would be his rejection of me. And I had feared rightly. His confession was a confession of his love for another and not for me; in a way he was asking for forgiveness and approval, and he was also asking me to fulfill my promise, a promise to release him of the chain that I had bound him with ever since that childhood incident.

In the past, no matter how farfetched my dreams were, I had always, hope against hope, wanted him to love me. I wanted to be his special someone, not just because of some childhood promises. I had always dreamed that one day I will be able to ensnare Syaoran's heart. And although now it will forever be a childhood dream that will never come true and never again shall I ask for it to be realized, it will always be a treasured memory. Someday, I might even be able to close that chapter of lost love in my heart and start anew. Until then, let me weep my heart out. Let me cry my tears dry. Let me scream my voice hoarse.

My heart was already cracking the day I started noticing Syaoran's change in attitude towards Sakura, the card mistress. It was then I knew for sure that the day when he would reject me will come; it was only a matter of sooner or later. But I was adamant; as long as I can have him, I will keep him as mine and mine alone, and though I shall watch him slip away from my grasp further and further as the days goes by, I will not let go. Not yet.

I knew I was fighting a losing battle, but I knew myself well enough to know that unless he comes out and says that it is over, I will not let go. Apparently he knows me just as well as I know myself. One day, he summoned up his courage and confronted me. It may not seem too much like a confrontation, but to us, it is, and a very serious one at that.

When he told me he liked someone else, I knew immediately who he was talking about. There never was a shadow of a doubt about that since the very beginning, that it was Kinomoto Sakura. Initially I hated and envied her but now though I still envy her, I cannot hate her. How can I? She is my friend and a very dense and clueless one at that. Her not knowing that he loves her makes it even harder for me to hate her even if I wanted to.

My heart broke. That surprised me somewhat. I was expecting my heart to shatter, not to merely break. Perhaps I still have hopes of mending my heart after all. However, shattered or otherwise, my heart IS broken and that hurts. And hurt though it may, it will heal, it will mend; but for now, I really would enjoy a good cry and wallow for a bit even if only for a few hours.

People say that a broken heart is hard to mend; some even says that it is an impossible feat. I say those people are wrong though I would agree if they say that in terms of a shattered heart instead of just a broken one. In Hong Kong, I will take sometime to lick my wounded pride and put my heart back together again. But I would return once again to really give them totally sincere congratulations. My heart will mend, I am sure of it. If my will power alone won't work, my pride will surely make it work. I don't just train for nothing.

I am definitely coming back one day; in fact, I have a sneaky suspicion that I will be playing match maker then. All's well that ends well I suppose. And now, since I have finally appeased my mind, I am going to officially wallow in Tomoyo's arms to appease my heart.

#**OWARI/**#

I would really appreciate it if you just give a click to the review button and leave some comments... Positive or negative ones are all acceptable. Thank you.

I also thank all those who have taken time to read this fic. Even more so to those who reviewed. .

-Blaze-


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